Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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