She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
