he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
