i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
