Porn is love you can see.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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