Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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