I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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