Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
