he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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