Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
