Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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