I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
