its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
