I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
