I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
