He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
