I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
