I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
