I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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