I am spending my child support on dildos
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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