ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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