i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
