do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
