This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
