i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
