hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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