walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
