I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
A bitchslap is in order.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
