I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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