Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
only you would photoshop your dick
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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