theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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