i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you made out with another girl for some wings
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
