fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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