im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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