Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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