sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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