all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
