that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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