Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
