video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
