Screwed.edu
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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