Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
