i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
