Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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