On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
