Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
