i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
His nipple licking is glorious
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