the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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