Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
