peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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