We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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