She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
