Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
