I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Can I color on your dick again?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
