listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
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Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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