Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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