Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
