I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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