dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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