So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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