We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
