you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
