She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
