you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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