wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
