I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
