dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
