You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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