I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
