i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I want to fling myself into the sun
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
